Hate Bonding: The Cult-Like Psychology of Us vs. Them
Hatebonding: The Cult-Like Psychology of Us vs. Them
Hatebonding—the act of forming social bonds through shared disdain for a person, group, or ideology—has become an increasingly visible phenomenon in online communities, workplaces, and even among friends and family. While it may seem like an innocent way to vent frustrations or find common ground, the psychology behind hatebonding mirrors many of the same tactics used by cults to control, manipulate, and radicalize their members.
From social isolation and echo chambers to thought control and moral superiority, hatebonding fosters a sense of belonging while simultaneously reinforcing an “us vs. them” mentality. But what makes hatebonding so dangerously similar to cult behavior? Let’s break it down.
1. The Need for Belonging: A False Sense of Community
Cults thrive on offering members a sense of belonging. They prey on people who feel isolated, misunderstood, or betrayed. Similarly, hatebonding provides an illusion of connection—people bond over mutual resentment rather than shared values or genuine friendship.
When someone finds a group that shares their dislike for the same person, movement, or ideology, it creates an intoxicating sense of unity. The problem? These connections are built on negativity rather than personal growth, intellectual exchange, or authentic support.
Online communities that initially form to discuss a shared interest often devolve into “hater groups” where dissenting opinions are shut down, and members are rewarded for increasingly extreme expressions of hate.
2. Thought Reform and Echo Chambers
Cults use thought reform to ensure members never question their ideology. They achieve this by isolating individuals from opposing views, punishing dissent, and encouraging groupthink.
Hatebonding operates in a similar way. Once inside a hate-driven community, members are rewarded for reinforcing the dominant narrative and punished (through ridicule, shaming, or exclusion) for expressing independent thoughts.
Over time, members stop questioning the group’s beliefs, even when presented with evidence that contradicts them. The result? A self-reinforcing echo chamber where hate is normalized, and critical thinking is discouraged.
Online “call-out” culture thrives on hatebonding, where individuals rally against a perceived enemy. Questioning the mob, even with facts, often results in personal attacks or exile from the group.
3. Us vs. Them: Manufactured Enemies
One of the defining traits of cults is the creation of an enemy—a villain who represents everything wrong with the world. Cult leaders use this scapegoat to unify members and justify extreme actions.
Hatebonding works the same way. Instead of a charismatic leader creating the enemy, the group collectively manufactures an antagonist—be it an ex-friend, a celebrity, a political figure, or an entire community.
As the hatred intensifies, so does the dehumanization of the “enemy.” This justifies increasingly aggressive behavior, from online harassment to real-world consequences like doxxing, career sabotage, and mob justice.
Social media mobs who “cancel” individuals often display cult-like behavior, treating their target as irredeemable while reinforcing their own moral superiority.
4. The High of Moral Superiority
Cults manipulate members by convincing them that they are part of a morally superior, enlightened group. Hatebonding fuels the same sense of righteousness.
When people bond through mutual hate, they often justify their actions under the guise of justice, activism, or accountability. This feeling of moral superiority makes it easier to excuse harmful behavior, whether it’s spreading rumors, launching smear campaigns, or engaging in cyberbullying.
People who claim to be exposing “bad behavior” often take pleasure in the downfall of others, proving their participation is more about self-validation than justice.
5. Fear of Leaving: Social and Emotional Blackmail
Leaving a cult is notoriously difficult because members are made to fear isolation, punishment, or retaliation. Hatebonding communities use similar tactics.
People who attempt to step away or question the group’s behavior often face immediate backlash. Former allies turn into enemies, private conversations are leaked as a form of punishment, and members are publicly shamed for their perceived betrayal.
For example someone who initially participated in an online hate campaign but later regrets it might be blacklisted or harassed for “switching sides.”
How to break free from hate-bonding
Recognizing hatebonding for what it is—a cult-like manipulation of emotions—is the first step to breaking free. Instead of forming relationships based on shared resentment, seek out communities that encourage discussion, personal growth, and critical thinking.
Before engaging in hate-driven discourse, ask yourself:
1. Am I bonding with this person over shared interests, or just mutual disdain?
2. Would this group still support me if I disagreed with them?
3. Is there room for nuance, or is this an echo chamber?
4. Am I dehumanizing someone to justify my own feelings?
So, when should the line be drawn, and when is the hating supposed to stop?
I mean almost every movie with a high school centered plot includes bullying such as Mean Girls and The Outsiders. Hate-bonding over someone can easily be considered a form of bullying due to the negative emotional impact that words and actions can cause. Believe it or not, hate-bonding in fact meets the criteria of bullying.
Although hate-bonding is a prime example of how negative feelings and thoughts can create connections, it should not be used with the intent to solidify a relationship. There is a plethora of ways to build and improve upon a friendship without having to include negativity. The moment you result to negative actions or thoughts, you may not trust your friend’s or your intentions, due to your judgmental attitude toward something that your friend could take interest in.
Regardless if you are a hate-filled person by nature or not, you should never hate on someone directly. Ultimately, hate-bonding could be a destructive activity, but like most things in life (makeup, gossip, sodium, and shopping), hate-bonding should be practiced in moderation.
So therefore when we move away from hate-bonding and toward genuine connections, we create space for healthier, more meaningful relationships.
Hate-bonding is a dangerous cycle that fosters negativity, suppresses critical thinking, and isolates individuals from healthier connections. By recognizing its cult-like traits, we can actively work to foster communities built on respect, open-mindedness, and personal growth.
Have you ever experienced hate-bonding ? How did you break free? Please share your thoughts below.
